"so you know why i’ve created this own little world of mine that always seems so far apart from the rest of the world? because most of the time people, in all their arrogance and their freaking ego trips, Suck. Big Time. because reality as it is, can sometimes hit you in the face like a flaming bag of shit that god decided to throw out of nowhere.

so yeah. maybe it does seem like i’ve created a world where people are all fairy godmothers and everything tastes like cotton candy. but you know what? i’d rather be an esoteric, deluded daydreamer than have to withstand people and their annoying self righteousness all the time"

- 13/05/09

but the thing is, every now and then we all need some form of human contact right? no man is an island and all that. so if confrontation is imminent, why then is avoidance necessary? it's like running away from the sunlight. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT IS AN IMPOSSIBLE FEAT.

just a day, just an ordinary day. just trying to get by. just a boy, just an ordinary boy but he was looking to the sky. and as he asked if i would come along, i started to realise that everyday he finds just what he's looking for. like a shooting star, he shines. he said: take my hand, live while you can. don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand?

and as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words, although they did not feel. for i felt what i have not felt before and you'd swear those words could heal. and as i looked up into those eyes, his vision borrowed mine. and i know he's no stranger for i feel i've held him for all of time.


yeaaah.. that song was stuck in my head and this post is just an indication to show that i'm still alive? sorry, i've got nothing else interesting to say. gonna put on more vanessa carlton and finish up my rj. excitement fills my life, obviously.

i think i've mentioned how much i hate mondays before, but sometimes, things can go my way i guess. class itself was blegh but i don't think i mention often enough how nice it is having afiq and shan with me. sincerely. awesome pair of people. also, i managed to walk home with atiqah (: after school and it's just made me realise how much i miss e24b some days.

sincerely. we had some crazies with us, but we also had some cool people, no?

anyway, excuse my small burst of emotion there. i just wanted to talk about how i fell THREE TIMES today in the span of two hours. yeah. i didn't hurt myself [just one bruise on my thigh] but COME ON. coordination skills, where have you run off to? the first two times i was kind of embarrassed but by the third time i was just like



i'm turning into bella freaking swan, man. not a good sign of mental stability if you ask me.

*digression*

remember how i actually read twilight last year? well, last saturday,while i was over at my cousin's house, i decided to break out his new moon book [yes, HIS. that was not a typo. please just come to your own conclusions about this] and finished it in four hours.

verdict? it really wasn't as awful as twilight was. don't get me wrong, the writing was still in the style of a 15 year old girl on fanfiction, the characters were completely underdeveloped and one dimensional, and the relationship between bella and edward is one that borders on emotionally abusive BUT i kind of liked jacob.

he was nice, and the complete emobodiment of a sarah dessen character [re: sweet, friendly, tall/big, a breath of fresh male air for the titular character, manages to turn unlikable titular character temporarily likable in the process] and HE DIDN'T SPARKLE IN SUNLIGHT.

but then, i also heard that in the next book he drugs bella and tries to rape her? so, i guess stephenie meyer managed to ruin a perfectly likable character then [as is in her nature. ruinng things i mean. LIKE THE MINDS OF TEENAGE GIRLS EVERYWHERE]

*end of digression*

so i shall end this post with the dorks that are me and my best friends. yes, this is a neoprint you're looking at. and yes, we are in half-assed halloween costumes.



because we will always be cool like that, homie.

it's my world, it's not ours anymore. don't think it ever was, anyway.

a) i want to see you.

b) i'm scared to death of seeing you.

CAN PEOPLE STOP PRESSURISING ME OVER THIS ALREADY OMG I WANT TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF RIGHT NOW. BRB GONNA LOCK SELF IN ROOM AND CRY MYSELF A RIVER.

here, have a funny picture.



cracks me up every. single. time. oh peter parker.

i am currently hardcore listening to malay songs and yapping on to anyone who'd care to listen about the ease and complete ingenuity twitter.

which is to say i have apparently turned my life into a big, fat, walking irony.

seriously though, how have i never decided to listen to any of ungu's songs? [i'm really sorry if this comment offends some people, as it did to a certain unnamed person who literally capslock-texted me "HOW ARE YOU EVEN A MALAY PERSON HANI. FOR FUCK'S SAKE." to which i capslock-texted back, "I'M SORRY IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS INTENTIONAL OKAY I'M JUST OUT OF TOUCH"]

in completely-unrelated-to-anything news, here is lindsay lohan now:



for comparison's sake [and also for my viewing pleasure, ngl], here she is about a year ago:



WHUT. i think it's safe to say that lilo has clearly gone off the deep end. look at how perfect she used to look! LOOK AT THOSE BOOBS. I COVET THOSE BOOBS, I PRAY TO HAVE THAT BODY. and she has completely ruined it [not to mention her face. sweet mother god that thing looks infested with STDs] with whatever the fuck she's in right now.

lilo. get a grip. you're only 23 and you look like a mom of three baby prositutes.

SERIOUSLY. SOMEBODY SAVE THIS GIRL.

can give you one dimpled smile and you'll feel like every single burden you've felt all week long has just melted off of your shoulders.

dear baby, one day you'll be a typically selfish, angst ridden teenager and i can assure you that i will still love you as much as i do today. because you have brought so much light to my life and the lives of everyone around you.

just stop calling everyone "mun". i am not your "mun". seriously. WHAT DOES MUN EVEN MEAN?

p.s. i have a twitter now. and if you will, please refrain from scrolling about five posts down [in which i point out the redundance of having a twitter account] and then laughing in the face of my hypocrisy. I'M SORRY I'M WEAK IN THE FACE OF CONFORMISM.

before i completely lose my cool and start a bitchfit that will inevitably end in the demise of your manly pride.

because i will win that fight. i will punch the living daylights out of you.

and i will win.

my monday was awful. I JUST HATE MONDAYS SO MUCH 98WYDAIDBQO874O234R. WHY DO THIS TO ME, SCHOOL? my pd advisor is annoying me to no end. she keeps postponing our meetings and replies to my emails like 2 hours late. which led to me waiting in the library for like half an hour, only to find out that i've been stood up.

speaking of waiting in the library, i totally embarrassed myself when i approached one of ijah's friends [the one with the sideswept hair. you know. that one. and who, btw was oblivious to my existence] as a last resort to seeking out my advisor, in hopes that he'd seen her around [BECAUSE I SURE HAVEN'T]

so he asked me how i knew him and i went "oh you're ijah's friend right? she talks about you a lot" and he gave me that look. you know the "oh okay stalker, then how come i don't know about YOU" look? yeah that one. i've totally given that to people before so i can recognize it when i see it.

lol i have no idea why i'm so embarrassed anyway, it's just that i'm not the kind of person who goes up to people i don't know to strike up a conversation and i seriously did it cause i was really desperate. i'm friendly but not THAT friendly.

ahem. okay so anyway, my cough's almost all cleared up, which is the only good news about today. other than that, i tripped over air on my way home and scraped my elbow[my clumsiness level has risen quite alarmingly i should say], i can't log into leo for some godforsaken reason and therefore cannot do my rj [which would predictably lead to a D for today's problem that i worked really hard on], i fucking lost $20 and I HAVE NO IDEA HOW UGH and i broke my favourite [REALLY EXPENSIVE] headband.

also, the cherry on top of this delicious cake: i found out my ex-boyfriend is spreading rumours about me being "easy". you work that statement out on your own yeah.

all in all, i'd say this day deserves the gold star in the "my life is full of shit" department.

andrew bird and cat power in january.

*flail* i don't even. i have no words.

I FUCKING NEED TO GET TICKETS RIGHT NOW I WANT NEED TO SEE ANDREW BEFORE I DIE IT'S NOT EVEN AN OPTION.

you see the problem is that i don't even know what i want anymore. it's like everything i've worked for in my life has come to this point and when i'm forced to write down what exactly it is i actually, sincerely want, all i can think of is four words: I Don't Fucking Know.

it just seems like everyone else is so assured in whatever they're doing and they're so focused and driven to get to their goals. and then there's me, stuck in the middle of it all, feeling like the lost lamb stupid little bo peep misplaced. that's me. I AM A LOST LAMB. WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE COME AND FIND ME?

anyway, this cough has been killing me for days now. it started on saturday and i basically lost my voice but it's already wednesday now and my voice is still really gravelly. i swear i sound like freddy kruger's face. I AM WHAT FREDDY KRUEGER'S FACE SOUNDS LIKE. children scurry off in fear at the sound of my "hello". i really hope it manages to heal by sunday though cause i've got an important date with someone specialzz.

so. i've got to finish up my proposal, send in my rj and then sweet, sweet, sleep.

but i will wait as long as it will take me to get back to you

1) i am really sick and extremely tired but i have to work tomorrow. hopefully a good long sleep and some panadol extra will cure me. HOPEFULLY.

2) can people please stop asking me to join twitter? i'm sorry but i really just don't see the point of posting a couple of sentences about my life each day. i mean, i've read some of y'all's [lol this is totally not a word] twitters and i feel like i know everything about you already. a little privacy never hurt anyone right?

3) i fell down the stairs this morning. and i told everyone nobody saw me but someone totally saw me. and i bet they were secretly laughing to themselves. and now i have a bruise on my ass. no joke.

4) happy belated birthday to aqilah! really sorry we couldn't have met up this week but i still love you banyak banyak and i'll give you an awesome present promise <3

5) i really wanna watch 500 days of summer so will someone please make themselves available for a few hours and squeal at joseph gordon-levitt's extreme adorkable-ness with me?

also, GOD I LOVE GLEE. the girls all being extra hyper cause of the pills and the hair flipping and then finn and puck's reactions and lea michele's VOICE. omg. never change, show.



"because there are two things that america needs right now, that is sunshine and optimism... also, ANGELS"

i didn't have a very good day today. too tired to elaborate. also, i think i'm coming down with a fever. this is all haris's fault. and i'm back to doing stupid rjs so right now, even though my head is pounding, i need to come up with some bullshit answer.

p.s. i really really miss you. can you come back for a while and talk to me a little bit? i can't handle the distance, it's suffocating me.

so selamat hari raya everyone! who else is endlessly excited about not having to fast for another year? anyway, i had an awesome day. got loads of extra money because of it being my birthday and all. can you say ka-ching? love my family.

great. someone's at the door. HEY COME IN AS LONG AS YOU'RE PLANNING TO GIVE ME MONEY YEAH? ahem.

thank you to every single person who wished me happy birthday. LOVE YOU ALL. kisses and hugs flying everywhere right now.

no, really though. this being the month of forgiveness and acceptance and whatnot, i just have to say that i realize i can be quite distant sometimes [though unintentionally, i swear] and i can get extremely annoying with my juvenile sense of humour [this, i readily admit hor, so stop throwing imaginary darts at my forehead when i crack jokes] and i am the worst person to go to for advice because i can get really impatient trying to get people to understand what i'm saying and in the end i just go 'fuckit go get advice from some other insane person, loser'.

which really isn't a very nice thing to do. so i guess what i'm trying to say, [to every single person reading this] is that i'm sorry and i hope that you people don't give up on me that easily.

just because i don't wear my heart on my sleeve, it doesn't mean i don't feel at all. i swear i'm not a robot. well, only on mondays and sundays but the rest of the time, i'm pretty much human [oh there goes the jokes again. ok, this time i allow you to shoot an imaginary bazooka into my stomach. but just this one time]

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